From Shattered to Strong: My Journey of Reclaiming Self-Worth

There was a time when I used to laugh without thinking. I used to enjoy little things—like the smell of tea in the morning, or watching the sky change colors at sunset. But slowly, I stopped noticing those things. I stopped laughing. I stopped living.

I didn’t even realize when I lost myself. It was like I was standing in a crowded room, screaming, and no one could hear me, not even the person I had married. It’s hard to explain that kind of pain to anyone. But if you’ve ever loved someone so deeply that you forgot to love yourself, then maybe you’ll understand. This blog is not just my story—it’s a reminder that no matter how far you fall, you can always rise again.

The Quiet Kind of Pain

Abuse doesn’t always start with loud voices or raised hands. Sometimes, it starts with silence. With cold shoulders. With a partner who stops asking how your day was. With someone who slowly turns your life into a routine of fear, doubt, and emotional begging.

That’s what happened to me.

It started small—being ignored, being blamed for everything, being told I was too emotional, too sensitive. I was made to feel like I was always the problem. At first, I thought it was just a phase. Then I blamed myself. And after that... I just went numb.

People often ask, “Why didn’t you leave?” But the truth is, you don’t even realize you’re in a cage when the bars are made of guilt and emotional confusion. I thought if I loved him more, he would change. I thought if I stayed quiet, he would stop. I was wrong.

Losing Myself Completely

I became a stranger to myself. I stopped dressing up. I stopped talking to friends. I stopped dreaming. I didn’t care how I looked or felt. I was just trying to survive each day—hoping for one kind word, one peaceful night, one moment of affection. But what I got was more neglect, more control, more emotional emptiness.

I remember one day looking in the mirror and asking, “Who are you?”

Not in a poetic way. I truly didn’t recognize myself.

I was tired. Not just physically, but tired in my bones, in my soul. I would cry in the bathroom quietly so no one would hear. I would wipe my tears and pretend to be okay. But inside, I was slowly breaking.

The Turning Point: One Small Step

One morning, I woke up and felt nothing. No anger. No sadness. Just emptiness. And for the first time, that scared me more than anything else.

I realized I had two choices:

1. Continue living like a ghost in my own life.
2. Or try—just try—to take one small step toward myself.

That day, I didn’t do anything big. I just went out for a walk. Alone. No phone. No pressure. Just me and the wind. And something shifted.

It didn’t heal me. It didn’t fix everything. But it was a beginning. The beginning of choosing me, even in the smallest ways.

Slow Healing: Choosing Me Again and Again

Healing didn’t come like a movie scene with dramatic music and tears. It came in the quietest ways—through morning walks, listening to music that made me cry and then made me smile, cooking for myself instead of just others, and talking to the friends I had once pushed away.

Some days, I felt strong. Other days, I felt like I was falling apart again. But I kept going. I started writing down things I was grateful for, even if it was just, “I got out of bed today,” or “The sky looked pretty.” Slowly, I started to feel again. Not just pain, but also peace.

One of the most powerful things I did was say this out loud:

“I matter. My feelings matter. My life matters.”

Even if I didn’t fully believe it at the time, I said it anyway. And eventually, something inside me started to believe it.

Learning to Love Myself Again

For years, I had begged for love from someone who had no love to give. I thought if I changed myself, they would finally see my worth. But the truth is, the only person who truly needed to see my worth… was me.

I began doing things I used to love—watching old movies, going for long drives, singing while cooking, taking care of my skin, and wearing what I liked. Not for anyone else, but for me.

I started creating boundaries—not walls to shut people out, but doors with locks. I realized that not everyone deserves access to my heart, my time, or my energy. That was new for me. And freeing.

I didn’t become confident overnight. But with every step, I felt lighter. Braver. Stronger.

Who Am I Now

Today, I am not the same woman who once cried herself to sleep begging for attention.

I am a woman who chooses peace over chaos.

Who says no without guilt?

Who listens to her body, her heart, and her soul?

I still feel things deeply. I still get emotional. But now, I see that as a strength, not a weakness.

I am proud of my softness, my sensitivity, and my ability to survive what should have broken me.

A Message to Anyone Who Feels Lost Right Now

If you’re reading this and you feel like you’re in a dark place—like you’ve forgotten who you are—I want you to know that you are not alone. I’ve been there. And I promise, there is a way out.

It doesn’t have to be a big step. Start small. Take a walk. Say no to something that drains you. Say yes to something that lights you up. Write your pain out. Cry if you need to. And when you’re ready, take another step. Then another.

Your story is not over.

You are not broken—you are becoming.

Becoming someone even stronger, even wiser, even more beautiful than before.

Thank you for reading my story. If it touched you in any way, feel free to share it. Sometimes, the words we need the most are hiding in someone else’s truth. 💛

Read More

Dissociative Disorders: Understanding Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

 Disturbances in a person's memory, identity, awareness, or perception of their surroundings are hallmarks of dissociative disorders, which are complicated mental health illnesses. Usually developed as a protective mechanism, these illnesses develop in reaction to extreme stress or trauma. Relationships, everyday life, and self-esteem can all be negatively impacted by dissociative disorders, which can also be extremely upsetting and incapacitating. We shall examine dissociative disorders in this article, including their definition, kinds, causes, symptoms, and potential treatments.

What are Dissociative Disorders?

Dissociation between identity, perception, memory, and cognition is a feature of dissociative disorders. Normal cognitive functioning is hampered by this separation, which is frequently unintentional. Dissociative disorder sufferers may have a detachment from who they are and where they are, and they might have trouble recalling important information about their past.

These conditions are frequently connected to traumatic events, such as abuse or neglect in childhood, and they may arise as a coping strategy to separate upsetting memories or feelings. While less frequent than other mental health issues, dissociative disorders can seriously hinder a person's functioning if treatment is not received.

Types of Dissociative Disorders

Three primary forms of dissociative disorders are recognized, each with unique symptoms and difficulties:

1. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID):

Previously referred to as multiple personality disorder, dissociative identity disorder (DID) is typified by the existence of two or more separate identities or states of personality inside a single person. These identities might include their memories, actions, and modes of interaction with the outside world. 

Individuals with DID frequently—and perhaps unknowingly—switch between many personas. Stress or other outside stressors might cause these identity shifts. Dissociation is typically employed as a survival strategy to avoid the emotional suffering following significant early-life trauma, such as abuse or neglect, which is linked to DID.

2. Dissociative Amnesia: 

This condition is characterized by a loss of memory for significant personal details, typically associated with a traumatic or stressful incident. There is no known medical reason for this more severe form of memory loss than ordinary amnesia. Dissociative amnesia patients may have selective memory loss, but it is frequently reversible. They may forget particular occasions, persons, or times.
There are three types of dissociative amnesia:

Localized amnesia: The incapacity to recollect things that happened in a certain time frame, usually because of a painful experience.

Selective amnesia is a partial loss of memory associated with trauma in which certain details are retained while others are not.

Generalized amnesia: Uncommon yet characterized by total loss of recollection of a person's identity and past experiences in life.

Dissociative fugues, in which a person travels to a new place and adopts a new identity while being unconscious of their previous existence, can occasionally occur in people with dissociative amnesia.

3. Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder:

It is characterized by repeated or chronic emotions of detachment from one's body or thoughts (depersonalization) or a sense of delusions about the outside world (derealization). Individuals suffering from this disease may have delusions or hallucinations or believe they are seeing themselves from outside of their body.

What separates people with depersonalization/derealization disease from psychosis is that, despite these sensations of detachment, they continue to recognize that their views are not real. The illness is frequently accompanied by anxiety or depression and can be brought on by extreme stress or trauma.

Causes of Dissociative Disorders

Trauma, especially in early life, is highly associated with the development of dissociative disorders. Dissociation is one coping strategy the brain may employ to shield itself from excruciating pain, anxiety, or suffering. Typical reasons include some of the following:

1. Childhood Abuse or Neglect: Abuse—either physical, sexual, or emotional—is a major risk factor for dissociative disorders in children. Dissociation is a process the brain uses to keep unpleasant memories out of memory or to divorce the child's identity from the traumatic event.
2. Traumatic Events: Violent crimes, accidents, battles, natural disasters, and other stressful situations can cause dissociative symptoms. The emotional effect of these occurrences might be so great that the person experiences dissociative brain syndrome.
3. Stress and Anxiety: Prolonged, severe stress or anxiety may also be a factor in dissociation. Dissociating from reality emotionally is a common response used by those who feel overwhelmed by life's constant stresses.
4. Genetics and Brain Function: Although trauma is the primary cause, certain people may have a higher biological susceptibility to dissociative disorders. Studies indicate that specific brain anomalies, such as those impacting memory and identity processing, could be involved.

Symptoms of Dissociative Disorders

Disturbances in memory, identity, perception, or consciousness are common symptoms of dissociative disorders, however, they might vary depending on the kind. Typical symptoms consist of:

• Memory Loss (amnesia) of certain periods, events, or people.
• Feeling Detached from oneself or one's emotions (depersonalization).
• A Sense of Unreality about the world around (derealization).
• A Blurred Sense of Identity or difficulty defining one's personality.
• Sudden Shifts in Behavior, Speech, or Emotions that seem disconnected from the individual’s core identity.
• Distress in Social and Occupational Functioning, due to frequent dissociation episodes.
• Inability to Recall Personal Information or previously learned skills.

Diagnosis of Dissociative Disorders

The symptoms of dissociative disorders sometimes coincide with those of other mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), making a diagnosis difficult. An extensive assessment by a mental health specialist is necessary.
The diagnostic process typically includes:

• Clinical Interview: An in-depth analysis of the patient's symptoms, trauma history, and mental health background.
• Organized Surveys: Measuring the severity of dissociative symptoms can be aided by standardized instruments like the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES).
• Medical Examination: Rule out any other illnesses that could be causing your dissociative symptoms, such as brain trauma or neurological abnormalities.

Treatment for Dissociative Disorders

Psychotherapy is frequently used to treat dissociative disorders. Its objectives include treating trauma, integrating the fragmented aspects of identity and memory, and enhancing general functioning. Various therapy modalities can be employed, contingent on the unique requirements of the person.

1. Psychotherapy (Talk Therapy): 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT assists people in recognizing and altering maladaptive thinking processes that fuel dissociation. It works especially well at assisting people in managing stress-related triggers.

Dialectical Behavior treatment (DBT): This type of treatment teaches you how to better regulate your powerful emotions and cultivate awareness, both of which can help you dissociate less.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Dissociative illnesses are frequently caused by traumatic memories, which can be processed and resolved with the use of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a trauma-focused treatment.

Trauma-Focused Therapy: People who have experienced trauma can benefit from specialized therapies designed to address and integrate their previous trauma.

2. Medications:

Although dissociative disorders may not have a particular medicine, related symptoms like anxiety, sadness, or sleeplessness may be managed with medication. These symptoms can be lessened with the use of mood stabilizers, antidepressants, or anxiety drugs, which will increase the efficacy of therapy.

3. Grounding Techniques:

When someone is suffering dissociation, grounding techniques might assist them in coming back to the present moment. To return awareness to the present moment, these methods frequently entail concentrating on minute characteristics of the senses, such as the feel of an object or the sound of a particular sound.

4. Hypnotherapy: 

Hypnotherapy can be utilized to access identity states or disconnected memories in certain situations. It needs to be carried out as part of a more comprehensive therapy strategy and by a qualified expert.

Living with Dissociative Disorders

Although having a dissociative condition can be difficult, people can learn to control their symptoms and have happy, fulfilled lives with the correct support. Maintaining mental and emotional well-being requires creating a solid support network, going to therapy regularly, and learning coping mechanisms.

When a person is suffering from a dissociative condition, friends and family should be patient and supportive. A person's rehabilitation process can be greatly impacted by educating oneself about the issue and providing nonjudgmental support.

Read More